Here’s the deal, kids. And yes, I know that’s condescending, but I say it from a place of humility as a 42-year-old tech dude, because I didn’t practice what I’m about to preach.

I’ll be the first to admit I can join in when pointing out the outrageous/nutty behavior of some elderly folks because I’m only human, while acknowledging that if I live long enough to have my own behavior as an ‘old person’ discussed it will hopefully be due to my being merely eccentric, old-fashioned, etc, but not…

I think the best we can hope for is to not be these old people. To age gracefully and not be a huge pain in the ass.

I used to work at McDonalds — and we had a senior price for hot fudge sundaes..

The name tag scare quotes are everything.

Prettttty sure you just won the internet. Where would you like your internet delivered?

TOM HANKS

Also an excellent suggestion.

I like E) Join them in lovely harmony

Since I’ve reached Crone Age™, I’ve developed a very useful Crone Cackle™. This story made me cackle like there was tomorrow. Btw, if you were outside my house and heard a terrifying cackle, I apologize.

Tapper: I’m not asking you to explain your divorces.

“Do your parents know you gals are here”

My mom basically said the same thing to me when I was 7 in 1992 and she was helping her friend get ready for a drag show. “You know how you like boys? Well sometimes boys like boys and girls like girls, and sometimes those boys like to wear dresses and sing Diana Ross songs.” I was like, “Cool, can I do Perry’s…

I told my daughter “now boys can marry boys and girls can marry girls.”

OMG YES! I was at my sister in law’s recently and we were looking through a bridal magazine with her daughters. One of the photographs included 2 brides getting married. One of her kids (age 4) asked why there were 2 brides in that picture. My SiL responded “well you know how ‘so-and-so in your class has 2 mommies?’…

NBC has a multicolored logo? How sad that all of you noticed that. I wouldn’t know, of course, since I don’t see color. <preens>

I dined at an Olive Garden yesterday and, near the end of my meal, heard the waitress announce to the old couple at the table next to me that their meal had been “taken care of.” The woman paid zero attention to this but the old man became incredulous, demanding to know what the waitress meant. She explained that…

That last one is twenty times better if you read it in Archer’s voice (but you have to sub in Carol’s faux British voice for the bit about the tea).

See, I look at cranky, demandy, complainy, bitter elderly people,and backtrace it to the cranky, demandy, complainy, bitter young and middle-aged people, only we often dress it up in entertaining sarcasm and snark. But if your entire life consists of angrily ranting about things that frustrate you, you are setting…

I’ve actually got a nice old people story to add this week!