That was "Matching Tie and Handkerchief". One side of the record had two grooves, so you didn't know which one you were going to get when the needle hit the vinyl. Not really a new trick at the time: such records had been produced in the fifties.

"Vertigo" wins for me because of the depth of its obsession and because Judy is so desperately, nakedly sad. "If I let you change me, will that do it? If I do what you tell me, will you love me?" That scene is so painful I can hardly stand to watch it.

You know what's a terrific double feature? "Shadow of a Doubt" and "Stoker". So much fun to compare and contrast.

I'll join you for "Notorious", which I know I've seen twenty times: it's incomparable, and Ingrid Bergman is the most beautiful woman in the world in that movie. But my top five would have to include "To Catch a Thief" (maybe not the greatest, but pure pleasure from first frame to last) and "North by Northwest"…

tUrbans.

You don't even have to buy one. Only time we ever went to a Krispy Kreme (in Montreal), the neon sign saying "Hot Donuts" was lit up and apparently that means "Free Hot Donuts" because they just handed us each one. And then asked if we wanted to buy a dozen.

The song seems to just be a straightforward ode to film noir, although who even knows.

We can feel bad about it together, if you like, because I'm enjoying his performances, too: I wouldn't hesitate to call them art, either. I think they have something to say about fame and human interaction: they remind me a little of Marina Abramović's work (and a lot of people liked to dump on her and say what she…

Eh.

I bailed halfway through the episode. I'm not a fan of cringe comedy to begin with, and that whole Bertie plot was written to be the cringiest, most obvious bad date ever. Claudia O’Doherty is adorable (and Paul Rust is not even close to being in her league) but I'm done with this show.

Really? She does wear hilariously demure and very virginal-white bra and panties in the climactic scene, but that's pretty far from naked, especially given what Amanda Donahoe is generally wearing.

On the other hand, Phi Phi was the meanest, nastiest, most obnoxious queen the show has ever had, so bad that I can't even bring myself to re-watch her season. (Roxxxy Andrews was a close second: I can't re-watch her season, either, despite my love for Jinkx Monsoon.) There's nothing wrong with being a shady bitch if…

Don't they usually put the best jokes in the trailer? If those were the best she's got, then the whole show is going to be deadly, probably capped with a mother-in-law joke and a reference to airline food.

"Unnecessary dance party" is a collection of words that has literally no meaning in English.

No, we do not. To be honest, though, we don't watch much Canadian cinema in either language.

Exactly what I was thinking: she's the heart and soul of "Scrooged" and to not even ask her about it seems criminal.

Lord Jaysus but yer crooked. Shut up or I'll shift yer face fer ya.

TWELVE. Jesus. I don't know if I can stand that much concentrated misery.

As the indispensable Tom and Lorenzo said:

When he's on, he's really on. His newswire story about the marriage of Avril Lavigne and Chad Kroeger was a perfect piece of writing, every single sentence a polished little gem of cruelty.