I had a teacher in HS who called his wife “my girlfriend” and explained that he does this because wife sounds like he’s taking possession of her. He was a dirty hippie though, so this guy probably isn’t doing the same thing

Charges dismissed under the time-honored legal principle of “Don’t start none, won’t be none.”

Oh, I forgot one notable other alum:

You cant beat this

Nice that Christian Joo took his mom’s last name.

Christian Joo must breeze through airport security.

PS - I have met the Muppets (set visit for filming of Muppets Most Wanted) and meeting Kermit the Frog is the best experience one can have on this planet. I am not kidding. I almost cried.

Muppets - Muppets are both a group (aka The Muppets) and a category...so Fraggles, Sesame St, Muppets etc.. are all muppets but not necessarily Muppets...if you get my drift.

Alternative headline:

Ohio used to have a stupid law that you could start selling beer on Sunday at 11, but for wine you had to wait till 12 (no liquor). I never understood this; it seemed like wine should be able to be sold earlier than beer, in case the priest ran out or something. Then I moved to Wisconsin, and holy shit, you can buy…

This is a horrible, horrible, horrible, horrible take. WW2 was atrocious. I had never been as excited to go see a movie as I was for WW2. I was 16 and the exact person the movie was marketed to. It was the first time in my life I was truly disappointed by something Hollywood had made for me.

Wayne’s World 2 is fucking garbage.

Yeah, but he’s scored so much poon in his life, he was owed.

Is it safe to assume we collectively opened the wrong envelope in November?

“It was 3-1.”

Whatever, her grandfather was the worst professor I ever had and then I heard he killed some guy.

Literally in college we just called them “White Chocolate,” “Motorcycle,” and “Shotgun”.

The aggregate fame of all the Steve Smith’s over the years has to add up to something substantial, right? I mean theres an NBA all-star and NFL all-pro in there among others.

the only thing i care about in football is when the winning team lines up to gently kiss the tip of the president’s penis and receive a championship muffin

Tom, I'm afraid you've been hoodwinked: this is viral marketing for Bud Light Lime Straw-Ber-Rita.