We are deeply embarrassed by the situation and have resolved the issue.

Especially with an injured foot, on account of how people use their feet to remain seated in chairs.

This happens more than you'd think. More so among National League owners who refuse to employ designated hitters.

“My wife and I had an unfortunate public argument related to a family member & she had an injured foot and she fell off her chair in the course of the argument. The matter is resolved. It was a squabble over a cell phone. Obviously it’s embarrassing.”

His Lawyer cut out the third sentence from his statement.

If this is the kinda shit he does in the middle of a public plaza, I can’t imagine what that poor woman has to deal with behind closed doors.

“See! A lonely man with pre-game jitters paying for a hand job isn’t so bad after all, is it?”

he’s just like that nice lady in Murder She Wrote.

How dare you bring up what might have happened and what Jim Jordan might have known about it. That was literally years ago, and doesn’t matter any more. Whatever happened to giving a guy a second or a third or a fourth chance? The important thing is that now Jim Jordan serves with honor and distinction in our…

I told those fucks down at the league office a thousand times that I don’t write Dead Letters on Shabbos!

haha it’s funny because one of them is like “duhhh i’m bernie i like single payer health care and social safety nets” and the other one is like “duhhh i’m meghan my dad was famous” i’m just over here like lol i’m an internet commenter i’m smarter than everyone, anyways here is a reaction gif.

I think it’s spelled Gym Jordan?

Samsung tab?  Definitely for real.

They’re TOO on point to be parody

“I am not a supporter of President Trump or his policies”

VIETNAM MOTHERFUCKERS.

The handjob was coming from INSIDE THE HOUSE!

Robert Kraft: [hugs]

Trump added $4 billion to his assets with the previously unused and extremely nebulous line item “Brand Value.”