Play the hits! (Dicks. Also, butts.)

My, that was easy.

A good place to start is charging $1000/ticket for a baseball game. And, sure, #NotAllNatsFans but their most prominently known fans (and especially those who could afford these games) are extremely public shitheads. See, e.g., George Will, Brett Kavanaugh, James Carville.

Personally, this went just about perfectly. Jose Andres throws out first pitch, gets some modicum of proper recognition. Trump gets heartily booed (by a mostly rich, mostly white, conservative-skewing crowd). Alvarez, Correa, and Springer all hit bombs. Astros win and all the little George Wills went home sad. 

Maybe. I take a more cynical view of things. I think powerful, smartish folks look around the current hellscape we’re living in and think they can take any shitty situation they’ve gotten themselves into and create doubt just by disputing the truth of the situation. Strenuously. There will always be people who want to…

How can you even tell if a sheriff’s deputy is concussed?

For a genuinely intelligent organization, this was monumentally stupid. I guess “smart for baseball” still converts to “dumb in the real world.” 

Maybe you’ve heard he likes beer.

Perhaps not. But one of their most infamous fans is ol’ Brett Kavanaugh (and his oddly huge baseball-related debts).

Exactly. For a reasonably smart organization, you’d expect the Astros know when to stop digging. I guess they’re thinking fawning press coverage will extend to believing them over reporters who have witnesses to the event?

His title has been re-cast as Assistant to the GM.

Proactively supportive of a demonstrated shitbag following a time in which he might be rightly criticized about the thing he’s supposed to be good (even though that criticism hasn’t yet arrived) is a weirdly aggro place to begin a “celebration.”

I guess they left out “local men’s rights activist,” “President of the Houston Chapter of the Jordan Peterson Fan Club,” and “Ben Shapiro’s Body Man.”

Pictured: Bernie, Never Protesting

I still can’t get over how cooly Jose Altuve played that shit. His homerun trot was exactly the same as pretty much every other homer he’s ever hit (until he rounded third and started smiling and holding his jersey/telling the guys not to tear it off). And I don’t want to get into “acts like he’s been there before”/…

You are 100% right. And it is awesome. These are the salad days of Astros-fandom and they certainly won’t last forever. But more than a few of us are very appreciative. 

Perhaps. But the idea that the Astros are only winning because they gamed the system is over blown, almost to the point of complete bullshit. It’s one small part of what was a complete organizational overhaul. First, they did not build their entire roster from a series of no-doubt No. 1 picks from those years. And,…

(Except, weirdly, they’re still outhitting Houston in the series—which is itself a sign that they’re leaving men on base and the Astros aren’t.)

or as it’s known in the Orgeron house, laxative.

He’s being vetted for a job as a White House staffer.