God. His hands are so small he has to use the crook of his arm to support a football helmet.

The unicorn who actually exceeds the massive hype.

Jesus. It’s like they’re actively trying to make me give up football. 

When the Leopards came for me, I had already advocated that all the faces of my neighbors and other people I don’t care about be eaten first.

You could. Except Peter doesn’t know a lot of black or Latino people. He does know a lot of gays though. Weird.

Yes. We should hear both sides of climate science, vote suppression, and ethnic cleansing.

Sociopathy?

I also voted for Beto, and the reason there’s national excitement for him is that even the most unliked man in American politics will win in Texas if he has an (R) after his name. (Still. But probably not for a lot longer. Also, Beto won a lot of races for local candidates.) Also consider that if you live in a big…

Simple scientific explanation. His short, fat thumbs and atrophying hand muscles made it impossible for him to “flip” the coin in any manner that wouldn’t seem extremely weird. So he literally “tossed” the coin. I also think we should do all coin tosses like this going forward. It looks awesome.

Of course he hasn’t. Most coins are too big to hold with just one of his hands. 

I’d take “hit by a car” over Cory Booker.

Carmelo Anthony is also available. 

Taysom is having the career Tebow would’ve had if he hadn’t been so bad at occasionally playing quarterback.

This had better not be another testicle/scrotum-related injury. I’ve put off the vasectomy just because of Drew’s stories. 

In Tampa. It’s a Russian nesting doll of absurdly bad judgment.

Liberty University: When Baylor is too PC and liberal for your brand of success

No one has ever doubted Hugh’s ability to finish.

“I tried to get a candle, but unlike Colorado, they don’t let you spark it up here. Inside.”

Until I read your comment I didn’t think his questions about Pasch’s high school were jabs at his dipshit beliefs. But then I remembered Bill Walton is far too nice a guy to make fun of someone that way, even if they deserve it. (Although he did once gift Pasch a copy of The Origin of Species. So, maybe?)

I’m pretty sure weed is legal wherever Bill Walton is at any given time.