My claim to fame for many years was that I served Alice Cooper £8-worth of Pick ‘n’ Mix at my cinema as he was on his way to watch Wallace & Gromt: The Curse Of The Were-Rabbit. We had a nice chat about fruit machines, and how Glaswegians call them ‘puggies’. Supremely nice human being.

The Kevin Smith story is terrific, and totally appropriate for the guy who made “Clerks.” “But you people weren’t even supposed to BE here past 10:00!”

This is only tangentially a food story, but it ends up in a Starbucks, so there you go.

I was thinking the same thing. I kind of wish the manager had gone that route. Asked the guy if he needed an ambulance, told people to give him some air and shouted "DOES ANYONE KNOW WHO THIS MAN IS?" in a helpful and empathic way.

That makes me think of the Spanish Inquisition. “Our chief weapon is surprise. Suprise and fear. Fear and surprise. Two. Our *two* weapons are fear and surprise and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope . . . . *Amongst* our weaponry are fear, surprise, an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope, and nice red…

This BCO.... this BCO has EVERYTHING (to make you believe in Justice!)....

being harassed and having people dangle bacon in my face

Not trying to defend your friends, but I think part of that negative response has to do with how sanctimonious ex-vegans can be (I’m not saying you!). I don’t talk a lot about being vegan in public because that usually leads to being harassed and having people dangle bacon in my face, but often when I do mention it…

No gonna try and speak to your experience or anything, but I’ve seriously never understood this “vegan dictating their life choices to others” archetype as anything but a paranoid fantasy of people who feel somehow attacked by the personal choices of others which in no way affect anyone else.

How does Revenge sound to you guys?

“THE CHURCH IS COMING FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE”

There isn’t any sales tax in New Hampshire, but because Hampshirites have heard tales of Vermont and Maine, and know that Taxachusetts is on the map so they can literally look down on it, they’ll be even more insufferable if they hear about people who can’t wrap their heads around the concept of a tax on goods and…

Say what you will about the pizza mugger, at least he was straightforward about taking money out of the driver’s pocket. He didn't come up with bullshit reasons to not leave a tip, he didn't put a waiter through an hour of hell and leave a buck, he didn't come in with a complex plan to scam free food that he used…

“Was that so hard?” = “The situation has been resolved to my satisfaction, but I’d still like to start a fight about it.”

Some kids are just picky eaters, and short of force-feeding them, there’s not a whole lot you can do about it. They will happily starve rather than eat anything off their approved list. (I speak from experience here.)

That’s one of my biggest takeaways from most bad customer stories. “Was that so hard?” is pretty much a giant flag illustrating what a douchebag you are. (And likely, how wrong you are. Scooping nuts out of a dressing, for someone with a nut allergy? Sounds like a good way to kill someone.)

I confess I have used that phrase; in my defense it was after arguing with a 3 year old about brushing their teeth. I agree it is a douche-y phrase and will strive to not use it in the future but, damn, getting your kids to brush their own f-ing teeth can be enraging.