Yesterday I went back to the sanctuary and played with puppies. Life is hard.

I love them a lot. One day when I can have a dog, I want to adopt a pit bull. Not a puppy because I cannot handle a puppy, but hopefully an adult dog who's already had at least a little socialization and training.

I NEED HIM.

Dude, I made the "eating ice cream together one time" mistake. Apparently that is a well-known signal for SEX that I was unaware of.

WHO is the intended audience for this?! Seriously. Who buys this?

Hey, Jezebel! How've you been? Let's talk about what's going on with you.

Lurky McLurkerson here, bumpin this shiz up.

You know how transfats will be banned soon? WTF is Velveeta going to do? I'm about to make some Velveeta/Rotel dip all for myself because I am gross.

He also recently said something about siding with GLAAD. I don't understand what is happening in the world.

MARY SUCKS

Yo whatevs...you haven't really experienced -40 until you've stood outside for two hours at night showing people things through a telescope and developed first degree frostbite on your toes - through your three socks and insulated boots. Because the people won't go to bed.

My brother ended up in the ER and then the hospital for several days because a routine cleaning went very wrong. A young, new dentist did something with a tool that maybe was not properly sterilized that lead to an infected salivary gland. Half of his face swelled up huge and apparently hurt a lot. Doctors were very…

Can't we all just recognize that it is in many ways a problematic, shitty movie and still love it and watch it every year?! Can't we have some good things?!

Are you kidding? I would buy the shit out of the Jabba/Leia situation. That thing is hilarious and awesome.

This might be the most obnoxious tumblr I've seen, which is saying a lot.

OH YOU GONE AND DONE IT NOW JEZ

Is PETA out in the wilds trying to convince predators to stop hunting and eating their prey? No? But all animals are the same, or something!

Dean cries so much better than I do.

I FEEL LIKE MY LIFE IS AT A CROSSROADS.

First off, I love this. Second, I saw it on Huff Po, aka the ever-growing festering pit, and someone commented something along the lines of, "Another thousand dollars to the doctor's yacht." How messed up does your life have to be that you can be an angry asshole about this video?!