Here is an actual FB post of mine from a few months ago—

Oh, sweetie. You time travel on your phone to give yourself free lives. You don't PAY for them.

Lobbying for Christina Aguilera as Robot Samantha.

These ladies must have gone shopping at the Nordstrom, Anthro, Jcrew and all that in EAGLETON. With Tom and Donna. On "Treat Yo' Self" day.

Good lord, this is like a book report from Ja'mie King.

I must admit, the shoe section is one of my favorites at the thrift/vintage shops. Always head straight for the shoes!

How, pray tell, are $1000 designer shoes "worth the price tag"? I do understand the value of good shoes and firmly believe that my $200 shoes are worth the price tag. But what does 5xing that do for a person's comfort or style?

Having seen your interpretation.... I kinda want that to be the actual movie. Just two hours of that.

MY BOY ROBIN'S WICKET SMAHT.

Did anyone else think, "Prince William’s Passion: New Father, New Hope,” sounded like Disney's working title for Starwars VII? Or a shitty romance novel? Both?

I thought this article was going to be about Mary Martin.

Shit! I just sent my pearls out for re-stringing. WHAT CAN I CLUTCH NOWWWWW!?

Well, that explains why I am three months behind at work and also why I am not worried at all about catching up. I'm saving those panic attacks for November.

So does Harry Styles like:

You know, I wouldn't have guessed this based on the backlash I got for compensating my female employees with gift baskets full of marshmallow fluff and Jolly Ranchers. They're all like, "Jobs are for making money for the FUTURE!"

STAND UP FOR WHAT YOU BELIEVE IN LINDY!

can someone please photoshop James Franco's head onto Khal Drogo's body ASAP please thank you

It's unbelievable, isn't it, Bob? My best friend made $5000 a month selling cronuts from his home, and you can, too.

MESS WITH THE BEST, DIE LIKE THE REST.