I’ve already tweeted at the Cleveland Clinic asking if they would take my uterus without my having to die first. Fingers crossed. I would absolutely do it.

The email says it should ship on or around March 19!

“invaded by the Crimson Permanent Assurance”

I went to a friend’s honors college graduation once and this one guy’s name was Cornelius [last name was something like Cornellson but I don’t remember exactly] X. THE TENTH.

Kanye West: Stupid babies need the most attention

It’s just Danny Devito.

That eye makeup is so perfect on her.

I personally credit Kumail with the new X-Files season, as he has a very popular podcast about it called The X-Files Files that helped spur a huge resurgence in popularity for the show. He also co-hosts a very funny standup show with Jonah Ray called The Meltdown with Jonah and Kumail, and co-hosts a video game…

The Wells Fargo (I think it’s Wells Fargo) commercial where the lesbian couple learns sign language and adopts the little deaf girl made me sob so so hard my husband thought someone died.

Her list reads as a textbook example of “basic.”

I know, personally, 6 people who died in 2015 - including both my husband’s and my grandmothers, and my boss. This year suuuuuuuuuuuuucked.

My mom watched my cat for a weekend a few months ago while my husband and I were out of town, and she told me she was going to spend the weekend watching Netflix and chilling on the couch with the cat. To which my husband replied, “I’m not super up on all the current lingo, but I think this means your mom is going to…

Givin’ me flashbacks to Ally McBeal.

I’m still mad at Silvio for what he did to Adriana.

I ate durian once and it tasted like feet and eggs.

YES I HAVE ONE FOR THIS

Keep your stupid comments in your pocket!

My cat chews plastic! She loves grocery bags especially.

I was cleaning out an old purse when a (wrapped) OB tampon fell out (I’ve since switched to a cup) and my dumbass cat decided that was the most fun toy she’d ever seen. So somewhere in my apartment there is a tampon just chilling on the floor. Cats, man.

Those are super cute, but I’m mostly loving the shoes! What are they/where do they come from?