I bought a manual pencil sharpener. The type that we used in schools as kids. I guess I need to drunk buy some pencils now?

Enjoy the extra pat downs from security for your next 10 or so flights, Simon!

Me too! I think I recall one scene with boobs (not great, but still!) and like three scenes with some dude’s naked ass. Not an even trade, but boobs though.

What color was it originally? I choose that one.

Between shitbag dentist Walter Palmer, U of M Athletic Director Norwood Teague, and WSU Basketabll Coach Mike Leaf, it’s been bad news from Minnesota lately. On behalf of this otherwise glorious state, I truly and sincerely apologize and I’ll do everything I can to avoid further national embarrassment.

I dig your new truck. Are you going to address the rust?

It’s spelled civilized. 'Merica.

I was suspended for one game because I am a stapler.

Fuck you.

NEVER FORGET.

You don’t know who Mike Schmidt is?

Happy birthday, Bill!

I’ll take dual DD44 Dostoveis please.

Yes it is.

You mean maybe Derek Lowe or possibly Mike Lowell?

No need to defend it, dude. It’s reliable, luxurious, and maintains a decent resale value. I own an Acura now and would love to own an Acura from here on out.

The Gary Anderson 38 yard FG miss in the 1999 NFC Championship game.

The dialogue, dear God, the dialogue:

I do believe our definitions of "cool", differ, Mr. Petchesky.

"I strongly, stridently, strenuously, sobbingly (unrelated) recommend that at least one of those pounds of sausage be of the hot variety. "