Seriously, why is her neck so long. She looks like an animorph giraffe halfway through transition.

“Go find someone to have a mediocre life with.”is the sentence I will use in all future breakups from now on.

That’s like the sweet spot for watching it on VHS a million times.

I feel like it’s “Apprentice in Paradise.”

I mean this makes perfect sense to me. The child is no longer unborn, so he no longer cares

“Join us for a celebration of the life of our beloved Veraps, 13, who was taken from us too soon after her mother tried to talk to her about orgasms. She died...just died.”

She’s a shitty person, he’s a criminally shitty person.

I have so many regrets based around boot-cut jeans.

We need walls! That’s how you know where to put your furniture! And if you take down all of the walls, where do you put your coat closet? No one ever thinks of the coats.

Insufficient interest in Rey or Monopoly?

This is how I feel but my heart turned to ash a couple of months ago so

If he takes after his father, hitting that target would make him an excellent marksman.

I miss Regretsy. It had such fun drama and butthurts, all the time.

I’m just saying, this kind of thing never happens at a steakhouse.

I would have high-fived the entire world if they’d named them John and Mary or something utterly plain and old-school.

I enjoy things going viral.

People who want to save money on contraception by making themselves unfuckable through sartorial idiocy?

i do not have sienna miller permanence - as soon as i close this browser tab, i will have forgotten who she is.

She’s like the original AHCA