Touche salesman....

Years ago, I taught acting to children ages 7-14 as part of a film camp. On the last day of camp, Roger Ebert came to talk to the kids and watch the films they had made. When I tell people this, they find it hard to believe an internationally renowned critic and writer would have taken time out of his day to encourage…

As a young teen I wrote to Roger Ebert, distraught over the lack of opportunity and diversity of films choices offered in my rural (Northern California) neck of the woods and he wrote back a short but encouraging reply explaining I had a big wide world ahead of me, not to despair, suggesting I should keep a list and…

No lie, this happened to me on my honeymoon! My husband and I were sitting at the bar on the beach outside our resort, and this turtle came up and laid her eggs. It took a surprisingly short amount of time and she was back in the ocean. The best part is that since the turtles are endangered, the bartender called up…

"If only." - Peyton Manning

Grape Nuts is the best cereal.

I live adjacent to one of the largest turtle nesting sites in the world and I have to say that this is remarkable and miraculous and rare enough that I have no witty or snarky retort. Simply amazing. The leatherback is a majestic and rare creature. Wow.

That's "The Bart The", Herr glutton.

The Kanji on his right arm clearly say "Die Bart Die"

Stop trying to make 5 Seconds of Summer happen. They're not going to happen.

I was prepared to cosign Albert, then I watched the video. That looks fucking delicious.

Yeah, but I bet it took him less than 1,300 words to explain how to make a sandwich.

Things ended badly for those people because they suck AND only people that suck choose to feature their life in a reality show. You have to suck first to want to do a reality show. Things will end badly here because Michael Sam probably sucks, which is why he wants to do a reality show. It's possible that he's just…

Jesus Christ. The only time my asshole cat moves that fast is when I order spicy salmon rolls.

I think I found the cat in question!

Can we get an update after we hear from The Cat? The minstrels will no doubt require it's name for the lyrics to the ballads they will be singing in praise of this heroism and so will the sculptors for the engraving on the bronze statue in it's honor.

you are a terrible person.

there's nothing inappropriate about that photo - there, fixed that for you

"If I didn't read the byline, I would have thought this article was acceptable. But I did, so I don't."

you watched in the back of a limo? I saw it on my gold tv while my yacht was docked in St. Tropez. loser.