That's "The Bart The", Herr glutton.

The Kanji on his right arm clearly say "Die Bart Die"

Beat it, nerd.

QUIT HITTING THE BASEBALL YOU ARE GOING TO DESTROY THE BASEBALL BAT

- you.

That's great, but was your dad a professional bowler?

Stop trying to make 5 Seconds of Summer happen. They're not going to happen.

I was prepared to cosign Albert, then I watched the video. That looks fucking delicious.

Yeah, but I bet it took him less than 1,300 words to explain how to make a sandwich.

Things ended badly for those people because they suck AND only people that suck choose to feature their life in a reality show. You have to suck first to want to do a reality show. Things will end badly here because Michael Sam probably sucks, which is why he wants to do a reality show. It's possible that he's just…

Jesus Christ. The only time my asshole cat moves that fast is when I order spicy salmon rolls.

I think I found the cat in question!

Can we get an update after we hear from The Cat? The minstrels will no doubt require it's name for the lyrics to the ballads they will be singing in praise of this heroism and so will the sculptors for the engraving on the bronze statue in it's honor.

you are a terrible person.

there's nothing inappropriate about that photo - there, fixed that for you

Yabba Dabba don't think so.

"If I didn't read the byline, I would have thought this article was acceptable. But I did, so I don't."

holy shit, corey perry is my new favorite player.

This makes no sense. I don't even have a rebuttal. You make no sense here.

First step is to search a service like Giphy that will return the reaction gif, Simpsons clip, or closed caption Anchorman segment that perfectly suits the post you're commenting on.

you watched in the back of a limo? I saw it on my gold tv while my yacht was docked in St. Tropez. loser.