Maybe Taylor Swift is a little young and poppy for a whack job Tea Party zealot, but Celine Dion and Jerry Seinfeld both seem about as safe and boring as you can get -- perfect for a whack job Tea Party zealot. And it’s not like Swift is pushing any envelopes -- she’s as milquetoast and uncontroversial as you can get…

Sorry in advance for stepping all over your First Amendment rights, but... you’re a dumb ass.

What is the sound of one hand making jerk off motions?

After the game, Dog stated, “We played a creative game. We showed a lot of heart. We played a bunch of cowards. The best team did not win today - I strongly, firmly believe that.”

Good kid.

[FART NOISE]

YES!!!! I Can! Now stop fuckin’ asking me.

“Hella,” he says?

[fart noise]

[fart noise]

Of Philadelphia people, be careful!

Intellectuals Are The Shoeshine Boys Of The Ruling Elite

Here’s you:

Here’s you:

My favorite is Akbar’s semi-regular go-to line:

It mostly sounds like it’s just that entitled frat-douche Lochte who’s doing the lying. His teammates got roped into backing up his bullshit and are now quickly distancing themselves from him, and the Brazilian authorities are trying to figure out exactly what happened.

If you travel to any foreign country and commit any crime (and it’s sure starting to sound like they committed one), they will take your passport. That’s how it works. It’s how they keep you from fleeing the country to avoid the consequences.

That’s dumb.

Stupid Kinja. It was supposed to be a pic of Homer Simpson at Lollapalooza wearing his Rasta hat with the button that says “Too Cool For This Planet”.

Pictured - Murry Chang’s Dad: