When Whoopi Goldberg throws her iPhone 5 out of her car, it will bounce 50 feet into the air.

Although not exactly the same, this is almost identical to an xkcd strip.

He's going to die a mutilated lonely death once 4chan /b hears about this.

Yet another reason not to use cheap looking vinyl siding.

@Arggh! there goes a...snake a snake!: Same here, 90 days? Psh. I'd let it sit there for a year just to obliterate previous records.

Really, really cool. Looks useful for the future of computing.

@aku_joedpa: Move along.

*Insert subtle yet profound humor here*

That is kinda cool, although limited.

@Non-Engineer: yeah, I guess.

What a RIMMjob this has turned out to be...

Hey kids... Ya wanna buy some death sticks?

@leonardlow: This is getting out of hand. We need serious help.

@DoubtedBeef: Scum!

Does this make Obi-Wan a pedophile?

@PoG: Our silicon can't absorb lasers of that magnitude!

All your lasers are belong to us.

@leonardlow: What the hell are you talking about, you old quack?

@jinushaun: Or depending on the person, leave it lying around unlocked...

Insecure?