I wish I could give this 500000000000000 stars. Thank you so much for posting this.

Here's my thing: If I were drunkenly walking home from the bar and someone ran me over with their car, it wouldn't be my fault because I was drunk and didn't have the reflexes to move out of the way. It would be the fault of the person behind the wheel. Period. Done. WHY ARE WE EVEN STILL TALKING ABOUT THIS SWEET BABY…

Dead. I have died. I have died and I am in Heaven and God isn't Alanis, she is Beyonce and everyone is wearing sparkles. This is even better than the Heaven in Jesus Christ Superstar where everyone had floor length fringe and back up singers.

Want this dress and the one next to her right this second. And also the pants and shirt next to the second dress.

I hate the timing of this release, I less hate this video (because I love seeing real dancers as my fantasy self is someone who can actually dance), and I will probably become addicted to this fucking catchy tune. Although, now that I think of it I've never really enjoyed any of her other hits so.. maybe not. My point…

YES! It's even on the godforsaken gas pumps!! I couldn't escape!

He would probably find himself in some uncomfortable conversations if he does go to jail since he's said that trained monkeys could do the job of the CO's. My husband and his coworkers carry that with them so he doesn't have a lot of friends in that world (at least, not in the unit my husband works for haha).

Okay the first one made me laugh so hard that I have tears in my eyes. The idea of someone quietly doing the nae nae... I die.

I read "johnnies" and thought "jimmies". I was like, "Why does he need sprinkles?... Ohh.."

Nay! I had never tried a sopapilla until I moved to Texas. There is still hope for you to find some!

OMG I did not remember the author's name but that book cover. THAT BOOK COVER.

My solution for baby weight blues? Putting on a dress that I haven't worn since I was 9 months pregnant and telling myself, "I MUST BE GETTING SKINNIER! Look at all this room I have!" And then I ate some birthday cake pop tarts because that shit is delicious.

I'll have to look for that!

There is nothing more delicious in this world than a tall glass of ice cold milk after eating PB and honey toast. Nothing. I had forgotten how delicious it was to drink until I started drinking milk again after I got knocked up. I'm sorry I ever abandoned you, milk. :( Especially the milk from Braum's because you are…

I lit-trah-lee cannot stop laughing about this comment.

How has no one made a Mona Lisa Smile reference yet? Did I miss it?

I saw this on the Today show when I was dropping Beatle off at day care! I thought he was ranting and raving about long term paternity leave but ten days? Ten fucking days? For serious? My husband was able to take three months off (thanks to the crazy amount of PTO he accrues and FMLA) and that was AMAZING. I can't…

Except her line only has sizes S, M, and L. Not that JLH is responsible for clothing the entire range of body sizes pregnant women have and I imagine they tried to keep the expense low until they see how her line goes over, but would an XL option have killed her?

Following Now!

She IS amazing!