Each of these photos is hilarious if you replace the last noun in their inane commentary with “cocaine”:

When she says that she will always love you, she means it.

Your Felix sounds a lot like my Chairman Meow. I put him on a diet and he got into the cupboard and ate an entire pound of popcorn kernels. He cried when he pooped for three days straight.

My boy cat used to eat all of his food and then half of his sister’s food because she knew how to pace herself and not inhale an entire bowl at once. He would then throw up everywhere because he had eaten too fast. And then meow for food because now his stomach was empty.

I love my cat, and I am fond of my wife’s cat, but they are totally bitches. Stop yowling at me for wet food! I just got home, at least let me take off my jacket!

If he’s anything like the cats that I have had, kitty exacted his revenge by waiting until the guy went to sleep, and then he pooped or vomited on something special. A favorite pair of shoes perhaps, or a new cashmere sweater.

I am finding unbridled joy in this dumpster fire right now. I cannot wait to see what happens next!

A Squirrel Friend is a friend who hides their nuts. They say it on RuPaul’s Drag Race a lot because...drag queens!

Wonder if she got it from this? Their squirrel is named Fran.

That is Jim Dangle territory.

I pleaded with my husband to stop wearing cargo shorts (one of which were fucking camo print), so he did. Now he insists on wearing skater/board short style shorts, which are almost as bad—if not worse—because they’re made of that weird nylon that board shorts are made from. He thinks they’re “dressy” because they…

the only difference between eating a beet and eating a fistful of mud is that beets can stain your tongue.

Considering all the other things toddlers are willing to put in their mouths, I don’t think I do.

You are entitled to your incorrect opinion.