Hoarders always makes me feel like I’m in a really good place in my life.

You lost me at redheads not attracting bears. This is fake news! Sad!

“I don’t want no shemale sittin’ on the pot next to a bunch of teenage boys who’re all sweaty and stanky from gym class (hopefully cuz o’ wrastlin’) tryin’ ta ketch a look at ‘em over the tops of the stalls. Tryin’ to get an eyeful of them sweet, lithe, muscular haunches all bulging and straining, tryin’ to squeeze…

“Trans dog” — I am *dead*.

I feel like this about so many of these issues. I want to sit these people down and let them know that normal people do not spend all their time thinking about where people go to the bathroom and what kind of sex their neighbors are having.

Good point. I don’t discriminate, I hate everyone equally!

The problem is that his actual business acumen is somewhere between Gob Bluth and Vincent Adultman.

Somewhere in there is a Dustin/Melissa McCarthy/Sean Spicer mash-up.

There’s more sparkle between the Carters than between those two.

My preferred font in high school was “typewriter.”

Whatever the case it’s always in America.

I can’t believe how much fucking Jagermeister I drank back then. Fucking gross.

Goldschlager is an acceptable substitute, and it has gold flakes in the bottom of the bottle.

I celebrated passing the long ass diabetes test by baking brownies. I might hve missed the point.

I like how you said “all the ice cream in Texas” bc it tells me that you, too, don’t believe in any ice cream but Blue Bell.

Same, except I did abstain from alcohol.

I love that she doesn’t appear to give too many fucks about it.

“Destination wedding are making a comeback! Unfortunately that destination is Hell.”