Man, oh man! The writer of this article is in DIRE need of a week long cruise! 

His name is actually Herr Manager Peter Schuller.  Unlike Kim, he has a middle name and that’s Peter.  Translates to Mr. Manager.

If you heard “Yanny” then you were an accident, your parents never wanted you and they certainly don’t love you. The truth hurts.

there’s male pattern baldness, and there’s concentrated evil that results in hair loss

Republican in the front, skinhead in the back.

To reiterate: 45 knows precisely what he’s doing. He’s a bigoted, xenophobic, racist, misogynist who has been, is, and always will be exactly this. Anyone who believes otherwise is delusional or complicit. If you can still support this assfucker, well... you don’t deserve to be called American.

Bless you, you’re reaching but I think you know it so I’ll let you away with it. In Ireland, we never refer to the British Isles. I’m not going to speak for all my fellow Irish men and women but it’s a term that bothers me. It’s so imperialist.

Welcome to KFC, may I take your HORDOR?

Of course they had a plan. They had the best plan. A tremendous plan. An amazing plan. Believe me. You’re going to be saying “we could use a bit worse of a plan.” They’re going to make the Colonies great again!

Someone actually got paid to write this article?

Pants. The answer is pants. If I can avoid putting them on, hell yeah I’ll pay a couple extra bucks in delivery fee to not wear them!

Even if you’re not, it’s a fine-looking gadget.

Actually, it looks like a roll of toilet paper.

...it’s a fine-looking gadget.

I have no doubt that there are millions of people who will shell out 350 dollars for a talking marshmallow.

What is this, advertising copy? Simply telling us “this unannounced product is gonna be so good you guys” just makes you look like fanboys/shills, and the language (“The power of an iPhone 6”) makes you sound like Apple’s marketing department; never mind the fact you seem to be writing from some alternate universe…

See, this is the kind of article that really proves just how much of an Apple shill this place is. With the benefit of time we can now see that the iPod was a terrible product that caught on PR fire and destroyed the market for all of the objectively much better devices and services.

And a Gizmodo writer urging them on.

I’ve said for years that if Apple released an asbestos face mask there would be people lining up to buy them.