I know you can’t copywrite a letter, but I feel like John Doe and Exene Cervenka should be able to sue for emotional distress or SOMETHING.

And don’t forget Marianne Williamson was her spiritual advisor.  Who is probably not in danger of winning anything, but the only reason she’s even able to run is her Oprah-adjacentness. 

Just wait! My company isn’t organized enough to switch to Salesforce — we are now on our third! Third! Non-Salesforce CRM in the last 10 years. The previous two were scrapped because they sucked so bad [translation: no one in my company has enough skill or experience to properly implement them].

OK, that just brought me from totally agnostic on the subject to seething with rage.

This is so interesting to me. I went to a school that was pretty affluent, filled with kids whose dads had gotten out of serving in Vietnam. My dad is the only dad I know who served (stateside). In my world, the 80s was so filled with parents trying desperately to be yuppies and deny that they were even alive in the…

I paid $5 for a soda at a little league baseball game. And I assure you, I would have paid much, much more for a beer.

At least your only option is not named Kum and Go! 

Well, to be fair ... 

Dammit, I hadn’t thought of that, and now that’s all I can think of. Also, how great (but unconventionally cast) would Frances McDormand be as Tammy Faye?  

Must not make Arkansas joke, must not make Arkansas joke ...

I’m way too old to have any idea of who he is, and the only Lip Sync battles I have seen are John Krasinski, Stephen Merchant, and Tom Holland, so I have no idea if he can sing, act, or even plausibly lip sync — but isn’t Brendan Scannell way more Eddie Izzard than Boy George?

Obviously he’s garbage person, but does that picture of Nugent indicate he, um, really cleaned up for the Trump crowd? His look has gone from “living in the back of a van” to “early ‘80s televangelist”.

“What’s the frequency Ke ... uh, Frank?”

Replacing Craig Ferguson with James Cordon was a sign that CBS had totally given up. 

The proletariat rises up, and the Dowager is forced to make it on her own with only a refrigerator box and some amazing spins.

Whatever your thoughts on the matter, it’s a little hard to imagine someone whose primary interests are weed and whiskey takes a conservative approach to their heath situation. 

I’m pretty sure Lee Greenwood and Toby Keith are available.  

When you wanted to name your child Sigourney, but weren’t willing to commit. Or perhaps committed too much.

There is no way this story doesn’t end with a stint in rehab.  

But they just really, really wanted to see that Kevin Smith movie.