Now imagine if they were French AND Muslim.

A goddamn sexual tyrannosaurus, that's who does that.

That should be on a plaque in a hall of fame and/or shame somewhere.

Okay, did someone really take offense to that Moore quote? I feel like it's crass, but really hard to respond to without being a horrific human being.

"Middling Steakhouse of People" is either a strangely kind description of Mrs. Palin and Mr. Rock or a weirdly cool indie band name.

But releasing all that hot air might affect global warming, so I guess their not-exploding is a favor to us.

I'm pretty sure the people "defending" American Sniper right now probably objected to using a french hashtag because something something World War II surrender.

He's asking himself whether he is one, so he's definitely on the good side of the line. Honesty's probably the best policy. I've been in a similar situation before, and while it did strain the relationship between me and an old friend, it eventually recovered because she appreciated my honesty.

If you're worried enough and capable of asking yourself if you're a "nice guy," you probably aren't one.

Arguably, the difference would be intent. As a "nice guy," you're probably being nice as a means to an end, whether consciously or unconsciously, and this often comes with specific intentions and expectations. As a good, honest guy, you're probably being nice because that's how you are, and it doesn't come from a…

Let's hope my friends don't get ahold of this, or else I might get some… um… requests when I try to pick up a job in China.

Get off my… doorstep?

I'm sure there's a file on this guy, but it's not held by any record label.

I once got into a fight with someone in high school about which post-Blink band was better.

I'm 22 now, and while I was never a Hot Topic shopper, I feel like I can't walk in that store without looking like some kind of creeper.

Thinking of this, I really must ask people older than me with a full recollection of the 1990s: was Johnny Depp ever considered a great actor? I feel like I'm only able to recall his flops as of late, and the only movie I seemed to somewhat enjoy his presence in over the last few years was probably Sweeney Todd.

Weird, I always thought it was through budding.

They'll sure think twice before they express any mild excitement over my meager accomplishments in life!

My grandparents tried to convey their excitement about Backstrom with this line: "That show with the smart, but eccentric detective looks like it will be fun."

Tim Meadows convinced me that I do, in fact, want some of this shit.