“My family knows that I call my daughter my girlfriend. That’s what I was talking about. I don’t have a girlfriend.” he said.

Look tom, can’t I believe that there is some good in the world.

Hi, Kinja Tech here. Please drop us a line, including key pieces of information like your browser, operating system, and CPU specs if possible. Thank you in advance.

Congrats on your poop. Best news I’ve read all day.

The problem with very dumb people is they assume everyone around them is as dumb as they are, if not dumber. The irony of intelligent people who scratched and scraped their whole careers to reach the top of their game now being sent Fox News clips to celebrate easily-debunkable lies...I can only imagine how…

but he smiled when he played baseball

So, fuck this guy then. He got all the love when he died, but he would clearly have been guilty of manslaughter had he lived. He killed two people.

The lesson, as always: Don’t drink and do cocaine and then leave the bar and go drive your boat as fast as it goes.

Dongfang is man’s only defense against vagina dentate.

I was so excited for them to walk into a bar and then it didn’t happen.

Mike Francesca, Trump, a middle-school doofus farting his way through an oral report on a book he forgot to read.  They all sound identical.

IT’S LIKE A CONTRARIAN HIPSTER SPORTS TAKE MEETS DR. SEUSS BOOK

To bring this little piece of news even closer to home, how about we all share our sober birthday? I know there’s many of us here that are recovering addicts.

Northwestern, the official school of people waitlisted by the Ivy League

The story is bland garbage, but if you get a ground of friends and jack up the difficulty to the highest, the gameplay is actually a ton of fun. Lots of great emergent gameplay moments.

That’s such a lazy joke, if we can even call it that. I’m in camp If You’re Gonna Be Offensive, At Least Make A Joke That Isn’t Also More Than 100 Years Old. My camp also needs a better name.

And your vagina.

Small enough to fit in your vein, evidently.

Oh sure, NOW the republicans believe in science

The party of small government, y’all!