4. Has Ben Affleck ever met an autistic person?

Love the spin: “We were just practicing so we could weed out the problems.” Riiiiight.

It still works! It’s a finely tuned machine! And Mexico is gonna pay for it...

Man, i hated rotary phones. You had to start all the way from the beginning if you made a mistake and didn’t dial the reich number.

great, that can can be your obituary

“C’mon guys, that was obviously a joke. You know, like the Texans.”

I’ve gotten so confused about where it’s permissible to pee. I keep urinating on Greg Abbott’s lawn, but judging by his reaction that’s not what he wanted. I only hope he’s not upset when he finds out where I’ve taken a shit.

Since the Texans have been a franchise, they’ve won more playoff games than the Cowboys during the same period.

Yeah, fuck that agent for trying!

“The legal blood alcohol limit in the Dominican is .05"

Maybe NBA dudes should have to graduate from college

Any leader who calls a free and independent press “the enemy of the people” is an existential threat to democracy.

I understand this rabbit. I mean, I always feel triumphant after I sniff a line.

No love for Mutant League Football?

Two things:

Right cause polling hasn’t been proven utterly fallible or anything.

There’s always next year!

I made pasta, played some GTA Online, downed a particularly strong (oops?) Maker’s and ginger, then browsed and was disappointed by what I found on OKC. Didn’t think to mast until I was getting ready for bed and by then I was too tired. Oh well.

Good enough to masturbate to.

I haven’t seen this big a burn from Atlanta since Sept. 1, 1864.