deep malt-and-date flavor wasn’t actually so bad

106.4 million people last night watching the Super Bowl beg to differ.

Would you, and I don’t want to get too explicit here...salad fork Michael?

Don’t you think dealing drugs will wreak havoc with their adult film career? There’s only so many hours in the day.

So just how falcon heavy is this rocket?

It’s quite simple once you wake up, sheeple! 1649 was the year of the Rump Parliament in England. What do English people like? Tea. Put a T in front of Rump, and you get Trump. What party has always supported Trump? The Tea Party. What sound does Sean’s last name end with? Tea. Also, the law can deal with shipping…

“Waaaaaaaaay ahead of you”

I’ve been toying with the idea of carrying an air horn. People don’t care that they’re blocking the aisle, they ignore you if you say “excuse me,” but I bet the air horn would get their attention.

This is why I buy unroasted coffee beans, and just roast them before each cup with a Zippo lighter and a pair of tweezers.

I buy all my food hand-made off of Etsy. Sure, I’ve come down with norovirus 8 times in the past three months, but I feel it’s worth it to so fully express my individuality.

I had a slight problem with Luke’s character changes, but I think it just sold me on the idea that Mark Hamill is a woefully under used actor.

I’d be okay with them all spooning Michael though.

If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.

Suggestion #1

Just don’t watch the television adaptation of that series, The IT Crowd. You can practically hear the crew laughing as they make it.

Stay tuned!

You know, with more blue in his complexion and bright pink hair dye, I don’t think he would look that bad.

Dad?

I was having a pretty good day today. I’d aborted over a dozen babies, I’d gotten a couple of conservative co-workers fired for “hate speech”, and so for lunch I decided to visit Wendy’s. Not to purchase any food—like my fellow elites I only eat artisan kale salads prepared by women in hijabs— but rather to mock the…

“Rapist Mexicans are stealing our jobs! But I’ll completely support it because a company wants to do it and it makes libtards angry!”