The Reuben one reminded me of a story Terry Pratchett told. He said that one jet-lagged evening he accidently asked for Three Mile Island dressing for his salad. The waitress didn’t say a word, just brought him Thousand Island dressing and a bottle of hot sauce.

We gays only see movement. When straights stand still they become invisible. Also we don't have object permanence.

Obviously Tza was smart and approached the Gays slowly and calmly. As long as you do that you’re fine and they won’t maul you.

My favorite Effie Brown story:

I was working at a margarita bar on the water, so winter was slow. We relied on our regulars, a few of which were a group of late twenties bro dudes who would come in for nachos and fish bowl sized margaritas. They were generally ok, except they LOVED to flirt with all of the female staff, despite none of us being…

Google Images is rich and abundant. Well, it had two.

Eh, just like religion and vegetarianism the atheists you want to hang out with are the ones for whom it’s just a part of who they are instead of something they wave around in order to feel superior to everyone else.

They never took a doggie bag home and they never touched Golem Jesus’s meal.

yeah, had to deal with a hotel guest once who was a complete asshole. like asking to have porn charges taken off his room every day during his stay because “obviously he didn’t watch it, it was a mistake, he turned it off after 2 minutes” (dude, we know that’s not a “mistake” and now we know why you are alone) and…

Another co-worker would routinely steam lattes with 2% instead of skim if the customers were rude about their orders, satisfied that they would leave ever-so-slightly fatter.

They came from an hour away with a thirst for loafage,

I would do anything for meatloaf, but I won’t do that.

OMFG How did I not realize it was Monday until I saw this post at 11:30pm?

You don't get to go to the theater and hand people your own script.

If it was a cultural norm to poke customers in the eyeballs, it wouldn't make it any less of a dick move.

Nobody puts Baby on the floor.

I once had a woman order steak tartar, well-done. I explained that the dish was extremely high end beef, hand minced, served raw...to her horror, and her husband's great confusion. Just to be a dick I said, Think of it as cow sushi. They were not amused.

Was it for chicken breast?

I've created a helpful chart for Walter.