Was "Sexy" redefined lately? Or was there a mix-up at the printer and somehow Jon Hamm is going to end up on MegaDouche Weekly?

Jaed was one of my grad school mentors. I came into workshop wearing these dangly silver earrings, and he looked at me with this big bro-smile and said, "I like your earrings." Adding in a deal-closing chin toss, he finished up with "My mom's got some just like those," followed by a grin that could only be described…

My pictures aren't coming out right, but my desk is MAD RAD. It's this little nook in the kitchen, quiet except for the cats. Most importantly, I've decorated the walls with artwork my friends have made— a comic titled "Celebot" my friend Jim drew in college (think "Robocop" meets "Pretty Woman") the first sketch my…

My cat song is sung to the tune of "Jesus Christ Superstar:"

ERMEGERD I haven't fucked a hundred guys, so according to Jezebel, I'm a terrible feminist, I hate my body and I probably have a casserole in the oven too because I SUCK AS A WOMAN.

Every time I go in an Urban Outfitters (which isn't very often) I get this horrible, totally not-Girl-Scout urge to shoplift. Everything in there just screams "steal me, it's what the rich kids who shop here do! You want to be entitled, right? You want to be one of the cool kids, and cool kids help themselves!"

Heck yeah! But speaking of villains, "Friends On The Other Side" is a freakin' amazing song. I mean, it's no "Hellfire," but let's face it—not much is.

Do NOT lump Belle in with the rest of those bimbos just because Disney has. Belle liked to READ, was NOT going to be content to settle down with some handsome douche, she was not just some dumb princess like Cinderella or Sleeping Beauty. She did things her own fucking way, and that's RAD. She was one of my movie…

Don't forget the "You're only making this accusation because you're jealous of XXX"

Feminism points aren't even real.

*bows, blushes*

Or if she was black and poor. Then she'd be a criminal, and with jail time, she'd have a hard time getting a job at McDonalds, and then Congress would call her a mooch and a sponge.

(Thank you, that means a lot. And if you've never read Bogosian, it's really wonderful, hard writing-the kind this hussy THINKS she's doing)

What? I can't hear you over the Flick of my Bic to light my meth pipe because I'M SPECIAL.

I went to my grandmother's wedding two years ago. I've never seen a happier, more beautiful bride.

Fucking yawn. All I could think of when I read this (and read a few of her essays for reference) was the part of Eric Bogosian's amazing monologue "Blow Me" (from "Pounding Nails in the Floor With My Forehead") where he says "Did you read the latest issue of Vanity Fair? It was so interesting. Did you see what it…

I swear, this could be the same weirdo who wrote me poetry when I worked at the video store. . . I still have it; it was so weird and creepy that I had to save it and share it with everyone. It was titled "Bright Yellow Dress" (which is what I was wearing when he first met me, I guess?) and it opened with the line…