Cookie dough is like the veal of baked goods; young, tender, and delicious.

“EAT YOUR SHAME CREATIONS IN SOLITUDE LIKE THE REST OF US, FREAK!”*

We once took my grandparents out to a restaurant for their anniversary. It was an authentic German restaurant, at least as authentic as someone can get in the United States, and my grandparents were both born and raised Germans. For the meal, there were no complaints. It was good food. But my grandpa kept this look on…

maybe there WAS a miracle happening

First: people who leave one-cent tips who don’t have dementia or something that makes them unaware that’s a dick move need to have that lone, pathetic penny shoved where the sun don’t shine.

throbbing pikestaff

I call ahead to the restaurant and tell them she’s had a stroke which has changed her personality

At the library where we worked we got our shipment of Deathly Hallows and separated them into reserve copies, which would go out immediately to the people who were on the 300-deep reserve list, and shelf copies, which were available to anyone. We put a few of the shelf copies out on the circulation desk at the…

I too love dippin dots.

Counterpoint: Drink whatever wine you like, don’t listen to people on the Internet.

I am so confused and upset by this. What kind of psychopath would want a bagel with the BAGEL part scooped out? This is seriously something that was a COMMON request? WHAT IN GOD’S NAME IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE

When I was in high school, some local, road-side hotel decided to convert their restaurant to a Chinese buffet. They called the high school to see if there were any “Chinese girls who would like a job.” Damn it. I was the only Chinese girl in the school, and actually, yeah, I wanted another job because college was…

Pizza guy, there at the bottom? That guy is my fucking hero.

My mom terrified Tim Allen, once. She was shrieking at my dad (“Alan! ALAN!”) and naturally, dude thought she meant “Allen.” He bolted. She never noticed he’d been standing next to us.

Nice! We go every year, and to the one in March too. My fave story is the Patrick Stewart one...when he was signing our pic my husband asked him if he was going to use his mind powers to make all my clothes fall off, and i’d try to cover up but he’d have already seen everything (watch his episode of Extras, and you’ll…

It’s Monday, I had a long weekend where allergies kicked my ass, and I am currently writing a proposal that is going to suck away a good chunk of my day. I will admit that it took me until I got to this point in the comments to figure out what a cup of chino was supposed to be.

This is why you don’t go chasing waterfalls. Please stick to the rivers and the lakes that you’re used to.

Lakes are well known for attacking unsuspecting people, who are just driving around, minding their own business. You don’t have that kind of problem with ponds or rivers so much, but, damn, those lakes’ll get ya.

We thought this was The Cheesecake Factory—we wanted to get a tour of the FACTORY.

And it is now forever Chipohlittle. Thank you BCO