Cowherd’s contractually obligated to call a black person lazy in every segment.

“Running is the easier, lazier way to play QB.”

Less impressive than Chris Bosh’s cameo:

My dad is really good at getting cigarettes for an extensive period of time.

Try Army & Navy Surplus.

I don’t get all the hate on Buffalo. While I was visiting I got lost after getting spectacularly intoxicated and someone got shot two blocks from my hotel. It was all very exciting.

A jam jar with a really tight lid.

UPDATE: The water park has decided to let it slide

Christie tried going to a public beach, but the people from Green Peace kept trying to roll him into the ocean.

That’s the thing. Is seeing the downfall of such a supreme asshole worth the disgrace of a person who has done nothing extraordinary, good or bad?

“everything I just said may be a lie except for the dick part.”

I’ll believe anything coming from a guy who thinks Boston is a state.

I bet Hayward is just thrilled he doesn’t have to deal with any of this nonsense in Boston, where the only thing they burn is crosses.

Daryl Morey must love the idea of Carmelo Anthony/no wriggle room because this guarantees another 2-3 years of 80-90% turnover in the roster, the only metric of success he’ll ever probably know.

Plate jokes.

I can’t wait to see the asshole’s mugshot. Good work CHP. It’s jerks like this that make it tougher on all the other riders trying to be safe out there.

Little known fact: this is how the Forester was born.

Church stops telling people who and how to fuck, people will stop bring their fucking-related issues to church.

This is a lot better than his cousin Sebastian’s trailer, which is harder to see because the police impounded it.

Why say “Five Gulf Nations cut ties with Qatar” when you can say “Five Gulf Nations break Qatar strings?” That’s web journalism 101, Wags.