“Unclear if that total included this girl, who has an awful lot of blood on her hand.”

Best golf story ever. P.G. Wodehouse is spinning in his grave, wishing that he could’ve used that one.

My brother had an apartment in somewhat wealthy area of New Jersey. So when he signed his son up for soccer, he ended up on a team with a bunch of wealthy kids. They were always doing soccer fundraisers. It would be like $100 to go golfing for a day.

I'm glad those coed leagues gave you such valuable perspective.

No, he said “man with hole in pocket feels cocky all day”

I thought that was a Confucian one, like “Man who go through airport turnstile crooked going to Bangkok”

The fewer people who smoke or use tobacco products, the lower health care costs are for everyone.

I’d love to do cocaine on a plane, I could get high and never come down.

That horse is so “get the fuck off of me you dip shits”.

The best moment in Pirates history, 1993-2011.

Yeah, since when would anyone tell Siri they are depressed and assume it will be a person and not a voice thing that can set timers. Maybe the next study will conclude that a TI-93 graphing calculator cannot reliably perform psychoanalysis, to say nothing of the tragedy of tablecloths and toilet paper that are not top…

I’m wondering if she had his affirmative consent when she fished his dick out and began sucking it while he was sleeping

Whipping Boy? That’s fine, as long as he uses a safe word.

Well of course, it’d be silly to think that you could add muscle drinking Kool-Aid.

Whatever. I beat porn at least three times a day and I feel fine.

When an old Polish-American Jewish guy can’t say “ghetto”, you realize how much times have changed.

slut shaming is bad, unless it’s kim kardashian because el oh el reasons.

If this is true it sounds like Payton Manning is conducting a very effective gas lighting campaign against her. Why is he so obsessed with her? I’m betting she turned him down and he’s still not over it.

Yeah, but the stalker has announced that Erin Andrews is appealing.

$55 million is just an estimate. They actually awarded her points.