Reports are surfacing that upon being arrested, Knoblauch threw a fit. Unfortunately, it hit an elderly woman in the third row.

And it comes out on Valentine's Day. Jesus Christ.

"ABC has the uteran wall fortitude of a Duggar" just doesn't fit as well.

At least he died doing what he loved: ruining a soccer game for everyone else involved.

I know, right? At least Norm MacDonald ran for 1,000 yards in his senior year at Boston College.

Is she really that popular, because I've never heard of herbivore.

IT'S ME YOU'RE LOOKING FOR, BABY!!!!

It's worth noting that their Cardinal fandom was the primary inspiration for their groundbreaking research on anal.

Or this:

Police report the rabbit survived the beating and is recovering.

Lee Carvallo's Putting Challenge was better

Only in our fucked up society can someone become a billionaire selling modern-day corsets to advertisement-driven-self-conscious women, and equality is making men want them as well.

THIS IS JUST ANOTHER EXAMPLE OF THE PUSSIFICATION OF AMERICA. YOU DON'T SEE GREG SCHIANO STAYING HOME SO HE CAN CARE FOR HIS WIFE, TERRI. AND SHE'S IN A DAMN COMA! SMH!1!

"The kids were absolutely ravenous," remarked an onlooker. "At one point they cut the throat of a raccoon and feasted on the blood while cooing "'sweet nectar.'" Another witness noted that blood-soaked copies of acclaimed hit Country Strong were found scattered around the restaurant.

That's nothing; the Yankees just signed the dog.