"The kids were absolutely ravenous," remarked an onlooker. "At one point they cut the throat of a raccoon and feasted on the blood while cooing "'sweet nectar.'" Another witness noted that blood-soaked copies of acclaimed hit Country Strong were found scattered around the restaurant.

That's nothing; the Yankees just signed the dog.

Cowherd: First the Dougie, now the Hustle?!

I really want someone to try to make their own Cinnabon vodka, but I know exactly 0 people who would think it's a good idea sober, and exactly 0 people who could buy a Cinnabon while drunk and not eat it before getting home to put it in a jar of vodka.