The Toronto Raptors now have the cap space to sign Mitch Marner.

How long have you worked at the White House?

What do you mean "imagine"? Some of us do have to appear at press conferences after days at the office that didn’t go well. One time a couple years ago we had a run of days like that, but we faced our grim task as best we could and took our licks on the media circuit. Then one day the big boss (as in the boss’s boss’s…

James Dolan having some drinks after another great show.

I saw him in the times square Olive Garden two hours ago. I know that’s two hours, but you know how far those breadsticks can go 

If you ever need motivation to swear off drinking for the rest of your life, just take a close look at the skin around this guy’s nose.

At the very least give the infant a glove and a fighting chance 

Fixed the New Orleans Pelicans logo for you.

I’m holding out for the rarer Billy Ripken “Fuck face” signed Gacy painting. 

Not sure Christ really cares much about gold medals. He got hung up on some silver, though.

Was the “power struggle” a staring contest?

You EXPECT something? Eat a bucket of fucks you shit eating dickhead!

According to the affidavit, on Friday, Jordan approached four people identified as Hiker #1, Hiker #2, Victim #1, and Victim #2. He was acting “disturbed and unstable,” playing his guitar and singing while he hiked. The meeting quickly turned hostile after Jordan announced to the foursome “...anyway, here’s…

This is god’s punishment. Diamondbacks were never meant to have legs.

Raymond Brothers.

6/ Must produce quality tweets like this:

You’ve heard of Twitter.

Christie is eating his 7th invisible bratwurst