This is some really thorough reporting to drop at 8am.
Deadspin Up All Night indeed.

Hi, my name is Blusteri Gruyere.

Alright, Taysom is batshit but I really appreciate this woman supporting my theory that even the tackiest of the yooneek white trash are less willing to be nuts about boys names than they are about girls names.

EXCELLENT NEWS! This lady had another baby! It was a boy this time.

Or a “down there” rinse.

I read it as a piece of cheese that was left in the rain. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Amen! And followers of this stuff have been know to bankrupt themselves trying to live a lifestyle above their means because more money = more God’s love and less money = God doesn’t really like you

What would Jesus Botox?

A man of faith opens the doors to a much-needed sanctuary without being asked first. A man of religion finds no end of bullshit excuses for why he didn’t.

Right? That man has the most untrustworthy face I have ever seen, and I watch Game of Thrones.

He looks like Jason Biggs after he fucked the pie.

There’s a woman I went to school with who posted a status update about a year ago that she had finally fulfilled her lifelong dream, one that she had nurtured throughout her childhood in an incredibly poor African country. That dream? To go to a service at Lakewood fucking Church. The top of my head blew clear off

Bargain bin Benedict Cumberbatch ass

That header image. Oof. How anyone can believe this man or give him a buck is well beyond me.

His church is a shelter - a tax shelter.

I spent my morning registering people into a shelter and my afternoon cleaning out stalls of displaced horses and moving hay and feed. I did this because I’m lucky to have been largely unscathed out of the sheer luck that my apartment complex is high while neighborhoods below us are completely flooded. I have 1/5000th…

There is no fucking way that anyone should donate “through” this church to a relief fund. Don’t let Osteen’s sticky fingers near any money that can actually help people.

I highly recommend the trolling account of Joel OLDsteen: