You are absolutely right...I am completely ignorant of how running through a game looking at the floor and shooting at walls while a tool next to me yells, "yeah, baby" is interesting at all.

Speed runs: Video games without all the annoying joy, fun and wonder.

I'm definitely not anti-sex. E for effort, but try again.

You . . . don't sound like a nice person. I'm sure you'll do very well at Gawker Media.

I don't get it. Is this supposed to be funny?

Prisons have existed for literally thousands of years. Prisoners do not need to Instagram in order to carry out relationships. People can still visit and accept phone calls or they can write a fucking letter like they did back in the Dark Ages, aka before 1997.

$0.99 to upgrade Pawns to Queens.

Kyosuke - luv ya, but at 5'11, you might be thin, but you are definitely NOT petite. Petite is generally reserved for those of us who are 5'2" or 5'3" and shorter. Nothin in the petite section gonna fit someone 5'11"!!

"I'm pretty much obsessed with etiquette and politeness..."
"I passive-aggressively jarred his foot with my backpack"
Go on...

Wow, what a charming piece of fiction. Come on, he didn't say any of that, at least not exactly how you're framing it. And trust me I'm inclined to believe you being a big fat fatty myself. My only takeaway is: is it cool now to be hungover? Like, how was that a pertinent detail? Is it the sexy, dangerous,…

I missed the part about where he said something about your weight.

This is why this article is bad.

Girlfriend and I got put in different rooms, on different floors of the house for Thanksgiving this year. So we went and had sex in my car in a field.

I don't know why but my favorite part is "And now it's a whole thing with Jean..."

The X-Files on VHS was the detail that slayed me.

I don't even need to go home to have an animal judge me while getting it on. Our dog takes GREAT offense to boobs in particular, but intimacy in general.

As someone who knows a lot about the all-star cheer world, this article was crushing to read. You got soooooo many things wrong. I get that Jezebel is a goofy satire site, but this crosses into awful journalism. First of all: yes, these girls may also cheer for their high schools, but that is not at all why they're…

I work really hard on my board called "Various and sundry ways to kill your kids with rope beds". Let me know if you find anything I should add.

NO THIGH GAP

Pigeons have the best thigh gaps.