“For instance, those kids you conveniently picked up can be thrown at the mountain lion.”

That’s why you should always have a favorite child, and one that just doesn’t quite live up to expectations.

• As your supply of children depletes during the struggle, remember, you can always make more.

You can’t outrun a mountain lion, but you can outrun small children.

• If no other objects can be found, feel free to use the large clumps of fecal matter rapidly accumulating in your underwear.

That’s cool I cut my hand on my plastic starbucks lid and bled all over my khakis.

• If you have small children with you, protect them by picking them up so they won’t panic and run.

So which team wants the to-be restricted free agent stiff and the guy who truly and profoundly sucks?

Actually, AD’s dad is hurting the Pelicans most here by taking the Celtics off the table not just as a trade partner, but as leverage when negotiating with other teams.

I feel particularly qualified on this subject.

Sausage egg and cheese Croissanwich, especially after maybe 5 but not more than 10 minutes under the heat lamps, is the best goddamn drive-through breakfast sandwich in the world, fight me.

Give the escort credit for dining in. Eating while driving would have been irresponsible.

Are you serious? It’s amazing and I’m not kidding. Check yourself

This is why I always hit the drive-thru.

To be fair, his pest control results are still mixed at best. Catching one bat doesn't erase 70 years of getting clowned by that fucking road runner.

+1 apprehensive Karl Malone

Yeah, considering Durant/Harden/Westbrook/Curry/Irving/Giannis/Embiid/Leonard and more are all within 5 years of him, “generational” feels commoditized.

Just like Magic in the 90's, looks like no one wants to go near him.

“I’ve just seen things over the years with Boston, and there’s no loyalty.”