I was thinking the same exact thing. "Sigh. Today I shall give... zero. Zero fucks."

At the very least, his parents let him rock a Very Bradley bag. That shit would not have flown in my household.

I promise to jeebus here was no Tonto. There was, however, a Silver.

I'm a guy and wore bright white pants to work to complete a lone ranger costume—I didn't eat, drink, sit or lean against anything all day. It was horrible. But I can't wait to wear those pants again in Spring.

"You will love coming home to this suburban office park inspired architecture."

I came for the gif I stayed for the slo-mo

A stick of butter? A cup of heavy cream? If you want a version that won't require heart surgery: melt 1 tablespoon of butter on low heat, with a fork blend in 1-2 tablespoons of flour. Add 1 cup of milk and 3/4 cup of parmesan or other hard grated cheese. Salt. Fresh cracked pepper. Simmer on low heat, stir often.

my friend ate a half-smoked cigar at a poker game for $2

I was just berated by my VP and nervous probably ended up sounding a lot like this

For a second I thought this read Patrick Duffy.

I wish the mrs. would peg the shit outta me.

Dude here. Just turned 40. And girlfriend, pah-lease. I relish for the days of my early 30's! 28-34 = the money years. 38-39 SUCKED. Now the anticipation is over and I have finally accepted 40. And to be honest, I'm in the best shape of my life.

Sophie Prospect. Kind of works?

Maybe it's me but she looks like she stepped out of a 1980's Frederick's of Hollywood catalog.

I didn't know what Goop was so I had to check it out. Apparently rich people eat off of ottomans. http://www.goop.com/recipes/dinner/turkey-osso-buco

He'll keep calling... he'll keep calling... he'll keep calling...