Console your aging pup with a Coach dog collar.

I was expecting something wildly puffy and cloud like (similar to the lovely comforter I once owned and enjoyed in winter months until it kept falling off its shelf, onto the floor and was repeatedly claimed by my dog).

No way, man. If I'm dropping a grand on a dog bed it better be here before Noodles gets her next massage. 

That dog bed costs more than what my parents paid for their house. And it doesn’t even look cool. At least put some lasers or disco balls on it.

For over $1,000 I was expecting something with heating, cooling and something to make dog farts smell like bacon. This thing is just sheet metal on peg legs with a cushion on top. That fabric better be made out of angel pubes cause it sounds way overpriced.

Fuck me! You can’t even get one quickly... they have a pop-up window that appears when you access the site announcing the whole effing company is on vacation!

This is the 21st century, don’t be silly... they simply hit ‘cancel’ on the form when taking the complaint.

She belted that “NO” after the “imagine a black saying ‘oh yes a masta’” line with enough conviction to earn a lifetime of cookout invites. Had she skipped it or hesitated I would’ve immediately given this vid dust lolol.

The Pre-Fuck You is in play for the following:

there is video on her facebook page of her performing this at what looks like a literally karaoke bar 8 WHOLE YEARS AGO!! apparently this is Ms. Mary’s jam

I was actually a little bit ashamed that I recognized the shofar on first sight, and what it was called. This isn’t trivia knowledge that gets you points at the bar, it’s just trivia knowledge that takes up space in your brain that you should have used learning to play an instrument (NOT the shofar). I’m also…

And... we have the winner for the worst take

Agree because...is that a Subaru behind her...?

That duet would be a million times better than that awkward super bowl performance with Katy Perry trying to rap with Missy.

I have perished. 

Ok...I did not expect this. She said...every word. Pussy. Chocha. What is happening.

But then who would we marry?

my wife showed this to me last night and could not stop laughing when i asked if she was holding a shofar 

I couldn’t watch the entire thing but so far my fave part are the people in the background dancing as she does her thing.