Ouch, that’s pretty rich. Here’s the test if you want to ascertain the quality of the broth: Make it with fresh ramen noodles. Even short-timing the pack noodles, you’ll never get the same gentle rubberyness that barely-dunked fresh ramen noodles has. That and the flat taste of reconstituted dried noodles is perhaps…

Hey beavers, quit screwing things up. Be more like otters.

I’d argue on average elephants have better core values than humans.

What’s also amazing is the willingness of our penal system to prioritize crimes against property over crimes against people.

Kalief Browder spent years in prison over a backpack and an iPod Touch. Yet this woman is free, after serving less time than he did, after she murdered someone? White privilege is amazing.

Well, we know how it ends when the South loses. Those fuckers whine for the next 200 years.. talk about snowflakes and crybabies...

As a descendant of Jefferson Davis (according to that one member of our family who actually cared about genealogy), I think every statue of Jefferson Davis should not only be torn down, but somehow incorporated into the local sewage treatment plant. All the other confederate asses too.

Muh heritage!

And here I was under the impression that Republicans are all about selling off public parks to private interests.

How about we pay them back by electing more women of color instead of asking them to vote in white men!

Yeah, man, you can’t assault women and be a Senator—you have to assault girls to do that, apparently.

Nope. Oliver brought up harassment allegations against Hoffman while they were discussing a movie centered around harassment allegations. It’s literally the perfect time to ask Hoffman about them.

In that case, I hope the future generations of extraterrestrial visitors will appreciate my taste in understated Corelle dinnerware.

That’s the thing that really grinds my gears. The story that you always, always hear from these guys is that they aren’t unreasonable, or bad people. They’re just self-reliant, good people who want to be free of busybody outsiders who don’t understand their lives and don’t know their problems telling them what to do…

The only people who could possibly be surprised by this would have to have never developed the concept of ‘object permanence’.

Dear Gov. Ivey. I don’t believe that all people from Alabama think like Roy Moore and his followers. That said, I would never want to put a dime in the pocket of anyone who would vote for him, so to be sure I will never again visit your State or purchase a product that I know is built in Alabama until you and your…

Fuck Trump.

This guy is so inbred he’s practically a sandwich.