If you can imagine a puppet is a dragon, you can imagine an adult actress is a kid.

Not a problem. Rich art collectors love these sorts of stunts. All this new publicity has only made him a more desirable artist.

No, she most definitely should not have fucked Tom Hanks. Tom Hanks was definitely incubating a whole host of venereal diseases and Dottie didn’t need that shit in her life.

Oh, my god D: I would watch a Hollywood action movie adaptation of your chickens’ lives.

Yes, but if you do contract it - or have any other health issue in fact - you’re very far away from a major hospital, and possibly even stuck with a rural hospital and a long ambulance ride as your nearest option.

Same, same. I don’t really remember the incident; I started masturbating so often as a kid afterwards that it all has blended together. But I did eventually want a dildo rather than my own hand, so I fashioned one out of Sculpy and gave it a plastic shopping bag skin that I could replace after each use. I’m not sure…

My aunt did the same thing! My uncle accused her of having a lover when she suddenly and uncharacteristically shaved her pubes (and he was right). People are weird.

My phone exploded in my purse last week, burning my wallet to a crisp. Sudden and catastrophic battery failure. I’m surprised these ticking timebombs aren’t talked about more often. It’s amazing they let them on planes.

I was born and raised in Central Florida. Do you wanna see my birth certificate? If I’m too literate for your tastes, I apologize. I’ll stick some AFs and lols in my reply.

My grandma wanted my mom to abort me and I’m not entirely sure why she didn’t. She was only seventeen at the time and I ruined her dreams of college. If she had though I wouldn’t care because I wouldn’t exist. Don’t be a sillyface.

I mean, he’s right.

I’ve never before been so relieved I never had kids. 2020 has validated a lot of my life decisions.

Hamster wheel, basically.

I feel like we should leave this shit to monkeys. We’re never going to be as good as them.

You might have mentioned that these Etsy bakers have comment and feedback sections on their pages. Anyone who is making people sick is going to have a poor rating while those with stellar reviews are going to be as safe as any flea market or roadside vendor. Just read the reviews, kids.

Dirge of Cerberus was the worst game I’ve ever played, and effectively ended my enjoyment of FFVII.

It’s simply for comfort, the position of the pillow doesn’t matter as long as you’re on your tummy.

Funny that the executive would get priority over the blue collar worker. The latter are the ones we’re actually relying on and need right now. The parasitic Capitalist class proves quite useless when no one’s able to casually consume.

Two weeks? Two weeks? Anyone who’s seen the movie The Money Pit knows that “two weeks” is code for “fuck if I know, man.”

Sure he wasn’t talking about being interviewed by her? Like it was a magnanimous compliment that she’s a great journalist and being interviewed by her was on his bucket list? That’s how I interpreted it, especially since he then says “It’s all done now.” He can’t be talking about fucking her because he hasn’t, so it’s…