You just summarized a ton of articles posted in Worth Reading.

I’d lived in NYC for a little over 8 years before I decided to GTFO and I never understood the mindset people in NYC get about how “amazing” “their” city is. It is falling to absolute ruin, nobody gives two shits about maintaining anything, and you’re trying to argue me into moving back while the entire city is…

all I know it that Hummer looks HUGE in the city!

This is a very good rule of thumb. I would also add if anyone makes a Chewbacca noise. I remember there was a time 5-10 years ago where there were three different comedies in a short span that all had this in their trailer, for some reason.

Vegas Vacation is the best.

Rule of thumb for comedies: if the trailer contains any poop or head trauma humor, the movie is garbage.

Ed Helms and Steve Carell seem to be fighting a two man contest for the most likable person to make terrible movies.

Man, it sure would be nice if you could buy direct from the factory at that factory pricing, rather than having to negotiate a higher price from a middle man who really ends up doing nothing for you other than trying to sell you rust proofing and paint protection packages.

“Also, if Steam Guard was enabled, the account was protected from unauthorized logins even if the password was modified.”

So, he too must be dumb, younger, obedient agreeable (“yes dear”), bring home the bacon despite his below average education, must be in good health (read: fit, preferable with rock hard abs and wasboard stomach) and a non smoker.

Learning that other cultures use the bathroom in vastly different ways was a shock.

I always think that is Sean Penn

On top of all this greatness is the fact that the story is a riff on the Odeyessy, complete with Sirens and everything.

The salt is strong with this one.

Tommy Craggs took Dorothy Mantooth out for a nice seafood dinner...and he DID call her back again. Happy trails, Mr. Craggs.

You just know there’s some dumb motherfucker who’s going to claim that story—and me for printing it—is somehow “anti-Chinese.” That story is exactly the same down to each word—only the food changes—no matter what type of restaurant it was, and as far as I’m concerned, no type of restaurant is more or less likely to do…

Gaslight him? HE actually threw up in the street and owes YOU a huge apology.

There is a special place in hell for people who order delivery during snowstorms. And in that hell, crab rangoon will always be Three. Blocks. Away.