Based on these footprints the two leading suspects as the pranksters are Neil Armstrong and Santa Claus

The Mets reportedly plan to sign the tree and plant him at SS.

Got confused when he was told to “branch out into baseball”

He told me there was a 25-foot tree planted between home plate and the pitcher’s mound.

I have a weird scenario in my head about these two at the end of practice.

We must preserve the 19th century class structure in travel, because well because.

I wonder if the mom contacted the airline ahead of time regarding her child’s needs. Usually an airline will accommodate those with disabilities that have a dietary restriction. I am in no way implying this girl is “disabled,” but if she has a “cognitive impairment” she would qualify for protections under the ADA and…

But what if the other plebeians want hot food as well?

“What if she got crazy and got up and opened an exit door at 36,000 feet?”

So basically the entire thing was set off by the stewards not letting her get some hot food? Screw them, the autistic girl can’t control her emotions, but the stewards can control theirs.

What a waste of time and fuel. But then again, the three times I’ve flown United (out of hundreds of flights) were all terrible.

At the grocery store I used to work in we had the opposite of that. There was this really sweet old lady who would come in all dressed up, and buy her groceries. Then when she was done she would hand whoever was working the register a quarter as a tip, so that we could take ourselves and some friends out for a soda.

Hahaha as a Polak I can most certainly tell you kurwa doesn’t not translation to “dammit”, it’s more like “fuck” although it's used very liberally as old sailors have nothing on Polish people when it comes to swearing

Auto Dimming Headlights (highbeam to lowbeam)

There’s a special section in heaven reserved for people who have had to deal with old people arguing over change.

• Headlight that steers with the front wheels, so you can see around corners
  

Problem solved!

Electric cars.

I finally got the joke! I assumed it was some sort of Aussie slang, but now I realise there are people in this world who think a cappuccino is actually spelled/pronounced “cup of chino”. Thanks, Yahoo Answers!

Lakes are well known for attacking unsuspecting people, who are just driving around, minding their own business. You don’t have that kind of problem with ponds or rivers so much, but, damn, those lakes’ll get ya.