@HazelMaesLandingStrip: Who, ME?!

I will say this: Simmons' column today reminded me why I started reading him so religiously in the first place. The sanctimoniousness of his more recent columns has pissed me off to no end, but the passion he brings to good discussions of Boston sports is simply unparalleled. I'll definitely buy him a whiskey if I…

THE HERALD IS THE REASON WE LOST THE SUPERBOWL

I really, really want some Philadelphia sports copy writer to use the headline "Hossama bin Laden." Does that make me a bad person?

BAHAHAH I keep reading this headline as "Big DONGS In The Land Of Sunshine And Sharks."

I'm geeking out over the Harry Potter references — thanks, Matt! I'm trying to remember: is there a spell you can use to make someone suddenly come down with an intestine-melting case of the runs? If so, I'd like to see that cast on both Lebron James and Anderson "When The Fuck Did I Get This Good" Varejao tonight.

@UkraineNotWeak: I hate myself for admitting it... but that did help a little. Sigh.

I coached 4 years of middle school girls' basketball and I could do a better goddamn job than Doc Rivers.

DUDE NOBODY CARES WHETHER OR NOT YOU ARE IMPRESSED.

@Sarcastro: Hello, welcome to Boston Celtics Playoffs Chat!

@Tracy Ham and Eggs is BACK (cause Steve Trachsel got banned...: Ooh ooh. Let's do this. I'll see you that and raise you responsibility for MORE THAN HALF of the team's errors to this point (11 out of 21).

@Afino: Maybe he should start looking into platooning with that Cuisinart...

@HazelMaesLandingStrip: I heart you.

I'm pretty sure Julio Lugo is on pace to be the shittiest shortstop ever.

[www.fatchicksinpartyhats.com]

I think we have found the real-life incarnation of Jean Teasdale.

OW MY SYNAPSES

What you missed while giggling yourself silly over MLB's "big pink bats" Mother's Day stunt... for the second year in a row.

Honestly, I'm surprised these two teams don't fight more — it's not like they play anything even remotely resembling good baseball, and SOMEONE has to finish 3rd in the AL West. Might as well decide it this way.

@Dany Heatley Speedwagon: As a waiter or waitress, you make a nominal wage of about $2.something an hour. Your wages are supposed to be made in tips. They're not just gravy.