Dead arm, eh? Must be the recent prolonged exposure to Joe Girardi.

Goddamn it why can't I watch the Cards game in Boston?!

Show your Ankiel love.

@Christmas Ape: Agreed. Like, if this were a teen dance flick, this column would be the uppity chick that the newcomer who's just begun to find the voice inside her would beat when she busts out her newfound hiphop dance moves at the big recital.

I have a sudden urge to go play stickball behind the penny arcade.

My uncle and I used to shout "FEED HIM TO CARL!" at the TV every time Rich Garces fucked up. True story.

@ Everyone: No, no, I think we have a winner:

There's a three-way fight for first... There's another three-team scuffle... And let's not forget the scrum... There's never been a conference brouhaha like this.

This is Huff's day!

@tater: No way... those are clearly the tears of someone who's just been informed that they called in their American Idol vote 5 minutes too late.

Hey, man. Take it easy on the hyperbole. I'm pretty sure the Generals would take offense at being lumped in with the Heat.

@Rob Iracane: Awwww. Heh.

@UpstateUnderdog: Not suggesting I want to make out with him or anything... I can do better than Paris Hilton's sloppy seconds. But like, how fun are big dumb drunk guys at parties? You know Leinart would totally be the one to break out the beer bong and start up the games of Kings, then volunteer to make a late-night…

Is it wrong of me that I kind of love Matt Leinart for stuff like this? He's not my QB, so I don't give a crap, and he seems like he'd make an awesome flip-cup partner. I'm definitely inviting him to my next party.

Sports dorks in their underwear turn me on.

@shea_guevara: I sense a lot of Acme products in ESPN's future.

Please be aware that they will be visible from sidewalks and are quite life-like.

A compelling list of dipshits, no doubt... it's got to be Marbury, though.

All this time, I thought people were deliberately misspelling Mariah Carey to be ironic or something. I'm not even joking.

You know who doesn't approve? Kevin Garnett. Anyone seen that video of him ripping on Sager for his suits?