tried to become an internationally competitive Magic the Gathering player

Man, that sucks. But props to his mom for doing the right thing by you.

For some reason, signing off as "Hanx" made me do an ugly snort.

C'mon, you can't say that and not share any stories.

I think maybe it's covering your entire face in lip liner?

That's what he was trying to say? Even knowing what thot means I couldn't decipher the anal secretions disguised as words spewing out of him. Thank you, though part of me wishes I still didn't understand this useless garbage manbaby.

What's great about Brooklyn 99 is that it acknowledges diversity without making it the joke. Like, race and sexuality and gender etc exist, they affect people's lives, but people have lives and personalities outside of it. Captain Holt isn't the black, gay chief—he's the stoic, intelligent, wickedly deadpan chief…

If I never see another popped collar or salmon article of clothing, I will die a happy woman.

Have you had a chance to talk to anyone from the Office of African-American Affairs, or maybe one of our black student groups (undergrad, graduate, law, Comm, etc)? I can't imagine you're the only one to have this concern; UVA doesn't have the best reputation (e.g., Daisy Lundy). Might just reaffirm your decision…

It would be weirder if you could look away. It's magnificent and terrifying. The movie easily could have been retitled Spider-Man 3: Into the Jowls of Madness.

Am I super cynical for immediately thinking she dyed it?

I was trying to find a gif that accurately communicated my feelings about Madonna, and I think this is it. Something that was once enjoyable but has become such a mess it gives me very intense second-hand embarrassment. A spectacle, but not the way it was intended.

I don't know what to feel about this story, perhaps in part because I'm utterly distracted by the reporter's name, which I think means "panhandle" in German.

Some of the kindest strangers I've ever met were actually when I was miserably sick and stranded in New York. Not sure what I would have done if not for them. (So sick you can barely speak, crying uncontrollably, desperately lost, no place to stay, screwed over by incompetence several times over, an essay due in…

Still could have named him Krobert. Only marginally worse than Khloe.

"The lifelong ambition I still want to fulfill is to go on a dream date with Drake–and only kiss him," says Madonna. Does Madonna know what "lifelong" means?

the fire of indignant, misplaced self-righteousness that looks to ruin people's lives and unjustly ruin reputations

"A Freezer Full of Placentas" is my new German death reggae band.