I just keep thinking how my old roommate used to get into bars on the Corner by showing them a piece of paper with an edited copy of her passport she'd made using Photoshop and my printer.

Obviously not Jia, but as a current undergrad, my feelings about UVA are (and honestly have always been) complex and difficult to unpack. I'm not sure if I regret coming here, and if I do it's for personal reasons, not the national news ones. In a sense, I'm both surprised and not when we're in the news, because…

That's So (not what I expected of) Raven. :(

Pretty sure Bill Maher himself is the only joke there.

I honestly don't get it. I'd much rather bang Rogen. He seems like less of a douche, taste in friends notwithstanding, and he cleans up well.

What I find offensive about Comedy Central Roasts is how shitty they are.

accused Limp Bizkit member

This reads to me as the navel-gazing of a mediocre dude who hazily remembers once reading a synopsis of Judith Butler's work.

Something I missed on the first read-through: she said she was "tortured" later on, after she presumably had time to sober up.

my boss was sexist in that he didn't want to hire men for our admin and accounting dept even though the 5 women were fighting like cats.

Well, he did star in The Matrix and release a swimsuit calendar.

Do you smell your hands after a handshake?

Stop trying to make Sexy Justin Bieber happen. It's not going to happen!

I think the beauty of the quote is the way it lies in the uncomfortable crossroads of an intentional self-effacing joke and an an unintentional hilarious lack of self-awareness. It's kind of magical.

Should have become an actor, my friend!