He's very deep. He's the Mariana Trench of people.

It takes years to master, and though it does have its rewards, the reward I seek is not a hot dog. Moose does tricks; I memorize lines, say words, even walk around and stuff. But I don't need a trainer standing off-camera, gesticulating wildly and waving around a piece of meat, to know where I'm supposed to look.

This is the way the world ends

"When was Kenny G ever the bad guy in a Disney movie?"

And the same to you!

I have a lot of confused, bittersweet feelings about this, but as a Mass Effect fan, I unabashedly love Keith David.

One thing Eagan says she hopes to do next is use make-up to "darken" her complexion and "go out into the community."

Points for not using Romeo and Juliet yet?

So normally when people are like, "When in history would you go, if you had access to a TARDIS?" I'm like, "Nothing between dinosaurs and spaceships, because history is fascinating but I don't want to fucking be there."

We also have similar, excellent taste in icons!

The post has since been corrected — without any mention of the mistake — and the person Goulding had hired to tag her photos (dream job, please call me if it is available) has likely been killed. Or worse, expelled fired.

Thanks to the internet and its deleterious effect on the subtleties of communication, I can't tell if you're backing up my point or think I actually agree with Whatshisface's assessment of Clinton. Though to be fair, I actually think GWB's problems were as much stupidity as lies.

I go to UVA and the name Gardner Fiveash still floored me for a few minutes

Setting aside all other problems with this (I'm surprised Miller didn't make more of the "entire ecosystem of the ladies and their children" line, given that it makes Indian women sound like a species of endangered Amazonian tree frog), what little I've been able to glean this does seem fairly on the up-and-up (that…

Most Hyperbolic Painter of All Time Paints Portrait of Biggest Liar of All Time

Just wanna say I think it's pretty telling that most of the people he's attacked have been women and low-level underlings.

Say what you want about Kathy Griffin, I would think if it was her joke she'd lash out against critics on Twitter, not quietly let someone else deal with it. The woman is not known for meekness.

I know nothing about him and this may just be due to all the SNL I've been watching lately, but doesn't this Ryan Dorsey guy kind of look like if Andy Samberg played The Continental?

Petition for Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan to be replaced by Tommy Wiseau and Greg Sestero respectively