The Lord replied:
“My precious Tebow, I love you and would
never leave you.
During your times of bowl game analysis,
when you heard only one set of approaching footsteps, it was then
that I blocked for you.”

“You know who else was ‘Man of the Year’?”
*Crowd Cheers*
“That’s right, a little man called Hitler!”
*Bass Slaps*
“I’m just sayin’, the trains ran on time, amirite?”
*Cheers*
*Double bass slap*
“But honestly, your children are going to die in a nuclear fire the likes of which you could never imagine. Just...The. Best.”
*Audi…

My buddy Kyle, his dad was a judge, and we were playing touch football in the street when we were six or seven, maybe ten, and my other friend Mike was quarterback and he was like “Go deep, way deep” and Kyle ran for, I dunno, had to be seven or eight seconds, just forever,and I was covering him and by then we were…