Unfortunately I fear my gender wouldn’t be allayed by mere headgear. I was gonna say maybe like a face tattoo of Animal from the Muppets jerking off whilst pooping on your upper lip but I don’t think that would work either....Umm, gene therapy/splicing so that when you’re approached unwantedly you excrete a viscous…

C’mon Jinni you bring the Hershey’s I’ll grab us some spoons and syringes. Let’s main line Kisses in a truck stop bathroom.

Pull a Bronn vs. Ser Vardis. You don’t fight with honor! But he did.

Ethan is your last name pronounced like Gak or Gatch? I know it holds little relevance to the topic at hand but it’s bugged me for a bit.

Uhh, that’s shitty! Don’t mention if he’s a spy!!!

Fuck that sucks hot polar bear cock you guys can’t FaceTime or anything resembling such. My wife travels a ton but we can at least communicate so I can’t say I’m terribly empathetic. I wouldn’t staple a picture of his face on a manakin then make it dinner and talk to it (or weird manakin sex things). Guess just hang…

Well Flashy that’s rough. After I got out of the Army I was drunk about every fucking day and was a complete piece of shit. Combine that with borderline personality and a dose of PTSD I was a nightmare. I’d wake her up screaming at her in the middle of the night, sometimes she’d find me passed out after having cut my…

RadioShack now I think?

I fucking love naps but after they get past that two hour mark I wake up as confused as if I’d been cloroformed and left in a foreign country. It takes me a while to regain my senses.

I was best man and I knocked a bunch of his brothers teeth out at the hotel when he tried to grab my wife’s ass when we were partying. They’d never met so it wasn’t like something that could remotely be considered a friendly pat on the bum if that’s even a thing. My buddy understood but I was vilified by many in the…

Fuck it indeed. That is madness. I have nothing but respect for one so bold.

My wife loves chicken picatta. She got back last night from two weeks in lovely scenic rural Iowa working on a bank’s budget. Think I rocked hard!

Yay for effectively lasered corneas!

House Lelilu. Words: No holes for the unworthy. Arms: Vert, a puppy tergiant on a lilac field.

Those little goats are so goddamned cute.

I don’t think I could effectively express any sympathy to you that would make you feel better, being an internet stranger and all. But that sounds horrible. I can’t really imagine. Hang in there. I don’t mean to sound crass but don’t worry about alienating your friends, you’ve got enough on your plate, if they’re…

No cat orgy is safe, what with the barbed penises and all.

Ugh, sometimes doctors just drive me nuts. Like at a certain point they just stop giving a fuck. I’m glad you achieved some resolution though. It would be great if there was the equivalent of Advantix or whatever for people. Just pop it on your back or something and don’t lick yourself for a couple hours then you’re…

He was certainly referencing Treblinka. Absolutely, totally got that from his article.

They can make you allergic to meat!!! I was hiking with my wife once a bit back and she noticed one crawl into the waistband of my shorts. I ripped them and my underwear off immediately and got the little bastard. The elderly couple behind us definitely saw my wiener but I’m not fucking around with ticks.