The man-made extinction of the Emerald Swine to feed America’s insatiable hunger for Green Eggs and Ham was also pretty sad.

I bet it got glowing reviews.

This is the saddest Seuss-related tragedy since the elephant that inspired Horton Hears a Who died of a heroin overdose in his bathtub.

WHO DOESN’T WANT A COUNCIL OF SHAFTS?!?

Alternative name: Tel Afib

It was the salmon mousse!

Zombie Pop would’ve looked even more believable with at least a little bit of makeup.

Fact: Anything you say on the internet that you preface with “Fact:” becomes true no matter what you say.

Listen, there were very fine people on both sides of that monster dinger.

That post was really fucking dumb and uncalled for. It should be eyerolled out of existence.

Careful there or Caitlin Schneider might come after you too.

You picked a fine time to leave me loose wheels...

That will be my official response whenever my wife complains about blowing up the bathroom.